Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
