I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just blew my weed a kiss
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
