she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
