His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
