my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
