Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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