I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
