i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize