could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
