Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
