Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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