just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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