do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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