i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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