Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
