so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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