I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
