What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
