Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
