I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
