why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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