im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
