I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
