Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize