Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
