obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
