At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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