I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
