Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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