god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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