Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
