mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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