I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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