The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
