hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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