Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
