Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
