I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
