We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
