this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
