im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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