She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
