Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
did i walk over a car last night?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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