found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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