so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize