my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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