its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
