found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
