Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
