So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
