Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
