Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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