just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
