No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
