I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
