i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I will pee on everything he values.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
