now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
