I just saw a hot homeless man
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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