My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize