Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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