Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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