Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
