I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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