Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
