So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
