i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
