8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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