Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
