grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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