You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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