I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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