i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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