You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
