dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
