I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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