Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
