Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
