I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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