You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize