The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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