Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
tell me about the fingering
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