Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
