I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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