I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
