I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
