I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
