He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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