nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
