I wish I could teleport
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
