I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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