i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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