I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
