There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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