I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize