She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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