Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
