3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
