Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
