I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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