Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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