Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
