he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
well you can't waste a boner
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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