i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize