She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
