Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
