i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I want is dick and wine.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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