remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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