omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sober January is a disaster.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
