Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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