I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
