Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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