The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
